Retail And Relief In Berlin

I’m just back from my first trip to Berlin. While there I tried hard to forget a lifetime of jokes about Germans, but it wasn’t easy. I’m a seasoned shopper (Waitrose, Tesco, Lidl, the lot) and have for many years successfully navigated supermarket checkouts without incident. However at an Edeka store I was verbally attacked by two assistants. I don’t understand German but eventually got the message that my empty trolley (in no-one’s way) was somehow wrongly positioned. I found that shifting it about six inches seemed to resolve the situation and calm was restored.

Stranger still was my visit to the Berliner Dom Cathedral. Being an oldie I was soon descending to the crypt, which housed a considerable number of decomposed royalty and dignitaries – and the WC. I passed through a plate-glass door and did what I had to do. Then I saw the notice demanding 40 cents for the use of facilities. As my bag and money were with my wife (waiting amongst the coffins) I attempted a quick and inconspicuous exit. However a flaxen-haired frau spotted me and began to shout and point at the 40-cent notice. Then, to my astonishment, I discovered the glass door had been locked to prevent my escape. Fortunately, it had to be opened to let an employee in and I made a swift if undignified getaway. But every time I heard a siren in the street (and that was mighty often) I half-expected to be arrested and dragged back to the crypt to be summarily dealt with.

 

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