ARTHRITIS is gnarling my joints into knots,
my BLOOD's on the verge of developing clots.
COLD after COLD, then a virus or three,
DANDRUFF increasing, it falls thick and free.
ENERGY falters (and sometimes it fails),
FLATULENCE blasting the wind from my sails.
GALLSTONES, I guess, I must have a dozen,
HERPES I caught whilst kissing my cousin.
INSOMNIA's turning each night into day,
and JAUNDICE has made the colour of hay.
KERATOSIS (that's warts): a knobbly collection,
LIVER SPOTS spread like some ghastly infection.
My MIGRAINES reach down from my scalp to my knees,
NEUROPATHY's made my extremities freeze.
OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOUR - just can't get things right,
PANIC ATTACKS keep me tense and uptight.
QUEASINESS follows each bite that I eat,
and RHEUMATICS attack me - hands, knees and feet.
I've a feeling that SCABIES lurks under my skin.
TAPEWORMS - I wonder - is that why I'm thin?
ULCERS are forming, unseen and pernicious.
There's something VENEREAL (less than delicious).
WHOOPING COUGH hits me, confines me to bed
and I've got things that start with an X, Y and Z.
I eat too much, think too much, drink too much wine,
but otherwise, Doctor, really, I'm fine.
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